I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
