So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
