You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
