I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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