Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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