New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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