3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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