Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
