Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
