I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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