so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
