You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
