Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
