dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
