I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
