so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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