this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
