omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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