3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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