My sheets look like a crime scene.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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