you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
