Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have aggressive nipples.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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