Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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