Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
