is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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