I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
