Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
