Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
