you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
