oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
