How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
