yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
