Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
