to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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