He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
