He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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