cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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