Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
