If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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