i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize