Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm really busy with my period
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