you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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