I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
