i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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