I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
