She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
