plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
