I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
