her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
