Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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