Don't EVER smell your tampon
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
